Mommy Optimistic

As many of you know, I’m a mom of three kiddo’s that are currently 2, 4, and 6 years old.  When I use to babysit I would say that I’d never have a kid that’s over 2 in diapers.  Why?  Baby poop is gross, but as they grow up – well it gets a little too real for me.  My youngest is 2.5 and has been on “potty” strike for months now.  Here’s a brief description of my failures, successes, and just plain mommy craziness.

Case  Study 1

Alessandra was turning a year old when I found out I was pregnant with JD.  I vowed to have her out of diapers before the baby because I did not want to deal with double diaper duty.  I read everything I could find and decided I did not want to bribe my kids to potty.  I don’t like associating eating with sitting on the toilet, and I didn’t want the expectation that if they went they’d get a prize.

Picture Courtesy of Life123.com

So I got the toilet inserts and a little potty for her.  After watching me, she caught on and I was high fiving myself.  At 18 months my little girl was on the road to potty training!  Then the baby popped out.  She would ask to go potty at the most inopportune times (right after he’d latch on).  Since she liked the insert more than the little potty this was challenging and eventually to my dismay we both kind of gave up.

I’d put the little potty out in the living room in hopes that easy access would win, and I’d have her sit on it while watching her favorite show.  Nope. She’d start to cry and cry for her diaper, and no matter how long I’d wait, not a drop would come out.  Eventually her agony would either end in her asleep or just shaking with tears.  I’d bundle her up in a diaper or a pullup – whatever we had on hand, and she’d instantly release.

I tried another approach, letting her pick out panties and then saying things like ”let’s not mess up these pretty new panties!”  This seemed to work wonders for some people – so it was worth a shot.  The first time she had an accident she lost it. She was so upset that she messed up her pretty new panties.  I tried to tell her it was OK, mommy could wash them but she never wanted to wear panties again.

This apparently caused so much damage that by the time she started using the potty that she still did not want to wear panties.  She was petrified.   Home became a diaper free/pants free zone.  And while she didn’t show “signs” when she had to go, I’d pop her on the potty every 10-20 minutes or so just to try.  If it didn’t come out, it was no big deal.  Eventually she caught on and enjoyed being clean.

This is where sometimes you have to remember to take a deep breath and try the silliest things.

I told her that since she wouldn’t wear her pretty new panties I would.  She looked at me wide eyed as I “tried” to put on some 2T princess panties.  After getting them around one ankle I hear a giggle and a “mooooommy!!”  She put them on that day and has not been in a diaper since.  I will quickly say I was super lucky with her – minus when she has had an infection, she has never had an accident.

Case Study 2

I think JD was pretty easy because though he was tiny, he witnessed a lot of this.  Alessandra wasn’t shy and loves to leave the door open when she’s in the bathroom.  He also would sneak in on me to make sure I hadn’t left him forever.  Like Alessandra, I soon became pregnant with baby 3 so I wanted to try to hurry along so I didn’t have to do double diaper duty.  However, I learned one big lesson with Alessandra.

You cannot force potty training.

So our training was relaxed, and unlike his sister, he didn’t care for the toilet insert.  He picked out a potty from thestore and loved it.  As long as the potty was in the room with him he would almost never have an accident.  Again, home was a no diaper/no pants zone.  This was annoying when family was over and they’d make a huge deal about it – even my husband.  This truly confused my daughter because she didn’t know if she was suppose to be pantless or not.  I am sure that it delayed potty training by at least 2 months when my husband made a huge deal about it one night.  As for JD, I’d had the talk, and while the husband would still grumble around, I prevented most of it by putting a diaper on when daddy got home.  He was happy and there was less confusion.

If you’re going to go the no diaper/pants route here is another big tip to remember…

Kids don’t want to stop playing.

If your child is engaged with his game or toys, they are not going to listen to their body to know when it’s time to go potty.  If you ask them if they have to go, they will say NO.  If it has been awhile, or you see them wiggling around, you need to remind them that the toys will still be there, but we need to go potty right now.  I have cleaned up many accidents due to kiddo’s not wanting to leave the train table.

Another strangly huge factor for JD was going in public restrooms.  Like pretty much any parent I know, this is a horrifying place.  You never know what you are going to find in a public bathroom.  However, with a toddler and a toddler in training, when you’re out and about, someone always has to go.    No matter what store we were in, within 2 minutes, JD would announce he had to go.  Even if we had just left somewhere else, he always “had to go”.  The more he went in public restrooms the more he went at home.  While I don’t “recommend” this plan of action – I will say it probably helped the most in JD’s case.

Like Alessandra, JD started potty training around 18 months and was finished shortly after 2 years.

Case Study 3 : Still in Action

You’d think that with two down, the third would be a breeze.  He seemed to be following suite around the 18 months mark.  He went potty 3 times before we went on a mini vacation.  I knew this would throw him off, but figured it wouldn’t be long before we were back on track.  Welp, here it is, nearing the end of 2011 and he’s 2.5.  I have not pushed it (learned my lesson from my daughter), I have gently encouraged it (like with JD), and he’s still on what I like to call “The Potty Strike”.

We are retrying the diaperless stage, and for the most part it’s accident free.  However no matter how I try, he will not go anywhere near a potty.  He weeps and cries for his diaper and then weeps and cries for it to come off.  I’m at a loss at this point.  I keep making up sing songs about how we go “pee pee potty” not “pee pee diaper” in which he giggles hysterically and sings “noooo pee pee potty”.

One time I finally caved and tried “the bribe”. I told him that if he went pee pee in the potty I’d give him chocolate.  So he sits on the potty, and says “Mommy, pee pee potty!!!”  I get excited, go look, and alas, it’s bone dry.  So I say, “Where is it Grayson?  Where’s the pee pee?”  In which he puts his head into the little potty (not a real toilet mind you) and starts going “Where are yoooooou pee pee potty?”.  He then proceeds to wear the potty as a hat and comes to ask for chocolate anyway.

No chocolate was given, and a little bit of sanity was lost.

There are some fabulous videos and books out there.  My kids really didn’t care for them, but as you can see, every child is different.  Try what works for you, but remember this is more of a “control” game for most kids.  It’s one of the few things that they feel they have control over, so they need to “want” to use the potty – otherwise there are going to be many accidents and frustrations in your path.  My biggest advice is to let go as much as you can and just use gentle encouragement.  If they have friends that are already going potty – use it to your advantage!  Have them watch older brothers or sisters go.  Sing songs and try to make it fun, for some kids it’s actually a really scary transistion so don’t make them feel bad if they’re not there yet. 

Got your own tips - please share them!  I hope my rambling might help someone out there.  I’m going to try to go without saying or typing the word “potty” for about a month now…